I read recently that the number of breadwinners is on the rise.  Nearly a third of working women in the UK now earn more than their partners.  Wow – that makes refreshing reading after hearing so much about how women are still being kept out of the board room and are missing out on the UK’s top jobs.

The Bad News

Before we start celebrating, the same article then issued two stark warnings – firstly, that men who are financially dependent upon their partners are more likely to stray and secondly, that women who consistently earn more than their husbands are 38% more likely to divorce.

Thanks for that.

Can We Have it All?

There seems to be downsides to every situation, doesn’t there?  Can it be that we must make such restricting choices?  Do we have to settle for a lower income in order to keep our relationships secure?  Or risk our personal lives in order to realise our career ambitions?  Surely there must be a middle ground?

It would appear that many men cannot handle their partners being the main bread-winner.  There are countless high profile relationships (i.e. female celebrities) which have ended and the ladies concerned have often hinted at resentments rising in the relationship over their status.  Other, more humble relationships, have also reported problems when the female breadwinner is able to purchase whatever she wants without thinking, while her man has to be more careful. 

Some successful women also report feeling resentful that, despite a full time career, they still find themselves running the home at the end of each day and getting the children ready for school each morning.

Psychologist Simon Jacobs says that it isn’t hard to see why feeling sexually attractive is the key to healing bruised egos.  This is probably the reason why men who are not earning as much as their partner may be tempted to stray.  They need to feel significant and valued once more and an affair is a fast way to restore self-esteem.

What’s the Answer?

For women who may be wishing their partners were better providers or higher earners, psychologists suggest that these unwelcome emotions may be a reflection of conditioning – what we have learned from our parents and society in general – rather than what we truly believe.

Can household chores be shared?  For career women, the advice is to let go a little and allow their partner to do his tasks in his own way – not necessarily their way.

The advice for men who are not the main breadwinners, is to accept and value themselves - not in relation to income, but for their contribution to the family and the relationship.  They should focus on their strengths and find other outlets to boost their self-esteem.

Keep Talking

I’m not sure how easy it is for men to have deep and meaningful conversations, but if possible, couples should talk about what money means to them.  When income discrepancies begin to surface it is usually a problem if it concerns power and status, rather than the money itself.  Talk these issues through and ensure that both parties feel valued for who they are and what strengths they bring to the home and the relationship.

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I am fortunate to earn pretty much the same as my other half and we have always split the outgoings 50/50.  Without children we seem to split the household chores quite well too.  I wonder what would happen if I suddenly doubled my salary?  I expect I would treat us more and it would never occur to me that this might be resented. 

Food for thought, eh?

As women in business, what issues do you face?  Can we have it all do you think?  Or is sacrifice an inevitable part of the deal?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Please leave your comments here …